Tim Tebow doesnt break wind…….thats the air crapping all over itself trying to get out of Tebow’s way..
Killing Tim Tebow doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Tim Tebow doesn’t do pushups, he pushes the earth down.
Tim Tebow’s tears cure cancer, to bad he’s never cried.
If Tim Tebow was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Tim Tebow spared your life.
Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Tim Tebow says its beef. Then you better believe it’s beef.
Tim Tebow once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Tim Tebow counted to infinity – twice.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Tim Tebow. Sounds like a fair fight.
Let’s get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Tim Tebow does not feel like carrying you.
Tim Tebow was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Tim Tebow.
Tim Tebow played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
When life gave Tim Tebow lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Tim Tebow hates lemonade.
Tim Tebow once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Osama bin Laden’s recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Tim Tebow is, in fact, still alive.
Tim Tebow is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Tim Tebow doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
When Tim Tebow was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
Tim Tebow killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Simon Says should be renamed to Tim Tebow Says because if Tim Tebow says something then you better do it.
Tim Tebow won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn’t a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
When Tim Tebow pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
Tim Tebow’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Tim Tebow jumps out.
When Google can’t find something, it asks Tim Tebow for help.
You can lead a horse to water. Tim Tebow can make him drink.
Tim Tebow can get McDonald’s breakfast after 10:30.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Tim Tebow.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with “< Tim Tebow”.
In 96 hours, Tim Tebow has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?
Tim Tebow killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
In kindergarten, Tim Tebow killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
What color is Tim Tebow’s blood? Trick question. Tim Tebow does not bleed.
Guns dont kill people, Tim Tebow kills people.
If Tim and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Tim would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
People with amnesia still remember Tim Tebow.
Sun Tzu once wrote, “If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Tim Tebow, you’re f***ing dead.”
Tim Tebow literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
Tim Tebow has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.
Superman’s only weakness is Kryptonite. Tim Tebow laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Tim Tebow signal.
It took Tim Tebow two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
If Tim Tebow was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
Tim Tebow was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Tim Tebow, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
Tim Tebow’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
When Tim Tebow messes with Sasquatch, it’s animal cruelty.
Fan Submitted Tim Tebow Facts
If you look hard enough, Chuck Norris will morph into Tim Tebow.
Everybody plays a fool, but there’s one exception to the rule: Tim Tebow.
The only thing that can destroy Tim Tebow is another Tim Tebow.
Tim Tebow did not have a fever on the day of the Spring Game; he was on fire.
With a single touchdown pass, #15 turned Doak Campbell Stadium into Tim Tebow Arena.
Tebow doesn’t want to mentioned alongside Archie Griffin, so he ordered the Heisman
voters not to give him a second trophy.
Tim Tebow has his own Blizzard [the Dairy Queen shake], flavored with rage and the
blood of all his victims. It’s called the Cherry Bomb.
Tim Tebow thought a Starbucks was high-class, so he threw a football so hard at it
that it turned into a Dunkin Donuts.
Tim Tebow made the 30 lives code on Contra.
Oh no, you didn’t. Oh yes, Tim Tebow did.
If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit…Tim Tebow.
Superman fears Kryptonite. Tim Tebow eats it for breakfast.
McDonalds? Tim Tebow’s not lovin’ it.
Tim Tebow was banned from Mortal Kombat because every one of his moves caused a
Tim Tebow doesn’t get A’s, they’re just the first letter he tortures.
John Elway was Tim Tebow’s worst protege. Too bad Tebow didn’t teach anybody else.
Nobody wins in a stalemate…except Tim Tebow.
If you have 4 touchdowns and Tim Tebow has 4 touchdowns, Tim Tebow has more
touchdowns than you.
Tim Tebow taught Ken Jennings everything he knows. No wonder the guy won $3 million
Tim Tebow hates Sara Lee. Don’t tell Tim Tebow who he doesn’t like.
Tim Tebow can eat just one Lay’s potato chip. Tim Tebow wins all his bets.
Tim Tebow checkmated Bobby Fischer – using only his king.
Tim Tebow doesn’t wear glasses. The sheer anger emanating from his eyes would
seethe through the lens and destroy everything in its path.
When Tim Tebow writes poetry, everything rhymes with orange.
Tim Tebow can fold a piece of paper in half 9 times.
Life doesn’t give Tim Tebow lemons; life asks what kind of fruit Tim Tebow wants
When he was a kid, Tim Tebow made his mom eat his vegetables for him.